It is my Monday and I am back at work, which, I am trying hard to be totally fine with. I think that part of my nesting is that I want to be home all the time. So being at work makes me crabby. And honestly things at work in general sort of suck anyway, but that is a whole other, kettle of fish that I probably won't ever write about here.
To top it all off here is a rare, totally honest moment (not that I am not honest, but sometimes I sugar coat or avoid the hard subjects)....are you ready? I am having a hard time really embracing being pregnant. I want to be one of those women who is all glowy, happy go lucky, on cloud nine about being pregnant. However, I am not. The fact that I am gaining weight and can't really do anything about it makes me want to bury my head under the covers and just not come out until baby is all cooked, and I am back to place where I can start losing weight. I also kind of resent the fact that I have been sick and tired, and just not myself for the last couple of months. I feel a lot of anxiety about the rest of the pregnancy and having a baby in the house while we both work full time. What if I just don't have enough to give between working, being a wife, and a mom? Thinking about all of this makes me do things like climb into bed on a Saturday afternoon when Brian is gone, because I feel like I just don't have the energy. I have to talk myself into going out with friends. Honestly, I can't decide if I am a little depressed and need to talk to my doctor, or if this is pretty normal for pregnancy and I will snap out of it.
I feel bad for Brian because I am not myself. I actually broke down on Friday night, did the whole pregnant woman overreaction and soaked his shirt with tears, and then felt silly. Good thing Brian is such a great guy and was totally understanding, whether I actually made sense...well at least he acted like I did! He is the one thing that always makes me smile and feel better.