Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Embracing Pregnancy

It is my Monday and I am back at work, which, I am trying hard to be totally fine with. I think that part of my nesting is that I want to be home all the time. So being at work makes me crabby. And honestly things at work in general sort of suck anyway, but that is a whole other, kettle of fish that I probably won't ever write about here.

To top it all off here is a rare, totally honest moment (not that I am not honest, but sometimes I sugar coat or avoid the hard subjects)....are you ready? I am having a hard time really embracing being pregnant. I want to be one of those women who is all glowy, happy go lucky, on cloud nine about being pregnant. However, I am not. The fact that I am gaining weight and can't really do anything about it makes me want to bury my head under the covers and just not come out until baby is all cooked, and I am back to place where I can start losing weight. I also kind of resent the fact that I have been sick and tired, and just not myself for the last couple of months. I feel a lot of anxiety about the rest of the pregnancy and having a baby in the house while we both work full time. What if I just don't have enough to give between working, being a wife, and a mom? Thinking about all of this makes me do things like climb into bed on a Saturday afternoon when Brian is gone, because I feel like I just don't have the energy. I have to talk myself into going out with friends. Honestly, I can't decide if I am a little depressed and need to talk to my doctor, or if this is pretty normal for pregnancy and I will snap out of it.

I feel bad for Brian because I am not myself. I actually broke down on Friday night, did the whole pregnant woman overreaction and soaked his shirt with tears, and then felt silly. Good thing Brian is such a great guy and was totally understanding, whether I actually made sense...well at least he acted like I did! He is the one thing that always makes me smile and feel better.

1 comment:

Lexi said...

Okay, I'm commenting as a friend who has, ready for it? BEEN THERE!!! Recently, I might add. It is normal to feel anxious, to over-react, and to be upset about the changes that are happening. And NOT all pregnant women get all happy, gushy, and glowy about being pregnant. Some just feel fat, tired, and cranky. It'll be hard, I'm not going to pretend it's not going to be. Lots of parents both work full time; in this economy you almost have to. I don't, but mostly because between daycare costs, formula costs, diapers, extra gas to and from daycare...etc I'd either have to pay out of pocket to work or I'd make about 100 a month. Be that as it may, MANY parents both work and their kids are wonderful, well-adjusted kids who are loving and kind...because their parents are. You'll be a good parent whether you're at home or working. You will. And you are beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It's normal to gain weight, it's normal to get stretch marks. You're pregnant, it's normal, and you are beautiful. Repeat that last part. =) Everyday. I might mention the feelings to your doctor at your next appointment if you're still having them. The Doc will be much better at assuaging some fears and anxieties.